Abortion? Adoption? Parent? Decisions for a Pregnant Mother

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Making Your Decision

This section is dedicated to helping you find the information you need to make an informed decision about your pregnancy.  Take the time to know your options.

10 Reasons I want an Abortion looks at the 10 reasons given most often when a girl wants to have an abortion.

Abortion as Your Option tells how abortions are done and discusses the medical risks. Women who have had abortions describe their experiences.

Complications from Abortion explains and documents possible situations that can occur from abortion.

What is Abortion?

What will happen if I choose to have an abortion?  Here is a description of all types of abortions and when each is used.  Description of Abortion Techniques

What are the After-Effects of Abortion?

What are the consequences if I have an abortion?   This is a complete listing of the after-affects of abortion with studies to back them up.  After Effects

Is it a Baby?

This is a question that is so important to so many people.  You can find your own answer from the medical facts of the growth of you child.  A Medical View

Can I Talk to Someone?

If you would like to talk to someone, feel free to call any of these hotline numbers and talk to a counselor.  They will be glad to help you in any way they can.  Hotlines

Are There Alternatives?

What are the choices other than abortion?   Here is a comparison of adoption and abortion.

Ten Reasons I Don’t Want to Place my Baby for Adoption looks at the most common reasons women don’t want to give their child up for adoption.

Women Helping Centers:  The truth on the Pro-Life help centers around the country.

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “Abortion? Adoption? Parent? Decisions for a Pregnant Mother

  1. Hi soulpants,

    The resources you presented on adoption do not jive with my experience of giving up a baby. Thought you should know before you encourage this option to women. It’s been a pretty brutal experience.

  2. emily

    i agree with paragraphein. although i myself have never had to give a child up for adoption, i can only imagine it to be a very painful experience, just as upsetting as getting an abortion. i found the comparison to adoption vs. abortion to very misleading.

  3. Emily,

    Not sure what you mean by misleading? Obviously an unexpected pregnancy is a difficult season. Life isn’t merely about comfort or living pain free…its about doing the right thing. In fact the right things are seldom easy.

  4. emily

    the link you gave titles adoption and abortion made it seem as though giving up a child for adoption will fill you with happy memories and a good feeling. although you may feel good that your baby is going to live with a happy life with a good family, the doesn’t necessarily mean that your few short memories of being with your child will be happy ones. as a matter of fact, they are often quite sad. i am not saying that getting an abortion instead will relieve you of these sad feelings, and obviously that link was meant to encourage adoption over abortion, but i just feel as though the information on both sides of the argument are somewhat untrue.

  5. Soulpants,

    I’m not commenting on abortion because quite honestly, it has nothing to do with giving a baby up for adoption. I know that might not make any sense to you (because it rarely does to people not personally touched by adoption), but I’m too tired to explain right now, so let’s just move on to the adoption issue….

    The resources you presented had a lot of “spin” to them. Lots of positives, no negatives. So at best–that’s pretty unbalanced.

    At worst, the resources ae flat-out false and an attempt to separate mothers from their children. And I say flat-out false, because some of the “positives” do not, in my experience, actually happen at all.

    My self-esteem suffered greatly after giving up a baby, it did not improve. My memories aren’t particularly happy, they’re quite sad. I found my dreams and education derailed as a direct result of giving up my baby–not unhindered. I’ve suffered from depression and suicidality and symptoms of PTSD–all as a result of giving up my baby.

    These days, I’m pretty happy. I’ve learned how to love life again and enjoy every day. But that was all as the result of a lot of work, and it’s all in spite of giving my child up–not because of.

    My life is immeasurably harder as the result of having lost a daughter and living with that aftermath.

    As a mother, my heart has broken several times trying to explain to my younger child why her older sister can’t live with us like the other kids’ sisters live with them, and why we can’t schedule a playdate for this weekend because she lives too far away. I’ve wrestled with how to explain this all in an age-appropriate manner while seeing a profound hurt in my younger child’s eyes… a hurt that I almost have difficulty believing myself (after all, she’s never known anything different, she was born after my older daughter was relinquished–and yet my second grieve’s the loss of her sister).

    As a woman who relinquished a baby, I face a stigma that few people can relate to and most don’t even see as existing. When someone asks how many children I have in casual conversation, I have to decide on the spot how to answer–and if I answer too truthfully to the wrong person, I’ll be met with condescension, pity, a dismissal of my grief, judgments of my character, and/or prejudiced assumptions about the circumstances of my first daughter’s conception and birth and my own ability to care for her.

    As a wife, I struggle with intimacy and my husband bears the brunt of that. We’ve been through counseling and we’ve had some amazing moments of healing and forgiveness, but still, deep in my heart something has changed how I relate to intimacy.

    I could go on but will spare you as this is getting too long.

    The point is that it wasn’t and STILL ISN’T easy. And yes, doing the right thing is not always easy. The thing is, in my case, and in the cases of many other women like me, adoption wasn’t even the right choice… certainly not for us, and probably not for our children, either… so there’s no comfort there.

  6. Paragraphein,

    No arguments here. While I haven’t experienced your pain, you allowed your daughter to have LIFE. Adoption may have come at a price, but at least it does not come with the guilt, and pain of taking a human life. Its not the best but it is better.

    Our prayers are with you! That’s not meant to be a hallmark comfort card, it is a reality. We and many christians who love prayer and read this blog, are praying for you and your family. May God comfort, heal, and restore.

  7. “Adoption may have come at a price, but at least it does not come with the guilt, and pain of taking a human life. Its not the best but it is better.”

    The thing is, my daughter was never in danger of being aborted. I never considered it. She would have been parented if she’d not been relinquished.

    So when you tell women with unintended pregnancies that should relinquish for adoption… it may be that you’re not saving ANY babies from abortion, but that you’re instead creating a climate where women feel they’d be selfish to “keep” their babies and should “give them up” instead.

    It doesn’t do any good to say “at least you didn’t kill your daughter” because I never considered it. It’d be like me saying to you, if one of your children died, “at least your other child is alive.” Wouldn’t your response be… huh? What does one have to do with the other?

    I never even got close to aborting my baby, but I was sure exposed to a lot of pro-life literature lauding the benefits of adoption, and you know what? It worked. It made me think adoption was a good choice.

    Thing is, I wasn’t choosing between abortion and adoption. I was choosing betwen PARENTING and adoption.

    And that’s my issue with your post here. When you put out this kind of propaganda for women to see… are you sure you’re even saving any babies? What if you’re instead seaparating babies from their mothers–babies who’d have otherwise been born and parented in their biological families?

    Hope this makes sense. Thanks for the discussion and the well wishes.

  8. Paragraphein,

    First, your are a great writter and have a compelling blog. Obviously that keeping your baby is the ideal situation. My friends who have worked in the crissis pregnancy ministries always encourage that option first and then discuss adoption.

    4,000 abortions occur every day in this country. So the individual situations wouldn’t allow every woman to keep her child or every woman to adopt. I have no doubt that lives are saved when an adoption is an option over abotion, but yes we should emphasize parenting.

    Many Crisis Pregnancy centers do provide resources to help moms keep and raise their baby. We need to do more to fund these options.

    I haven’t perused your site thoroughly (only read first page), have you written a post that would encourage a woman facing an unexpected pregnancy to keep her child?

    Thanks for reading and sharing your heart.

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